hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
