do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
