You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
