I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
