Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
