I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
