even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
