Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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