I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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