somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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