I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
