Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
