All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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