I bet he comes in French.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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