i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
