I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
