halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
