your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
