this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
