oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
