piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
