so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
