I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
