Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
