At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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