Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
