Are we in a gay sports bar?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
