Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Four minutes until I can fart!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
