Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
