I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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