There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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