she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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