We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
