went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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