Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
