Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
