ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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