Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
