yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
