Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
