So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
