I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
