We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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