I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
