i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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