Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
