ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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