I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
