My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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