I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
