we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
